11/24/2009

We made it - Five!

Erin turned five last week. Five! She is so mature and vibrant; I can’t imagine what life would be like without her sweet sing-song voice and big toothy grin.

For me it was a bit of an emotional day, more than I anticipated. In my mind age five was a milestone. I always thought if we can get this kid to see five she will live a full and healthy life and this week she made it.


I lay in bed the morning of the seventh thinking how blessed we have been as I thought about that morning five years ago. Erin was born in the early hours of the morning after a long exhausting labor. Like any mother I wanted to take my first born and hold her tightly but the wheels of circumstance were in motion and she was taken to the NICU with only a glance. It was ten hours before I would have the chance to touch her for the first time. I remember being wheeled into the NICU looking down the row of babies realizing I had no clue which one was mine and wondering if my maternal instinct failed. And then I saw the little pink sign that said ERIN and looked down to see this beautiful child with more hair than body and it all became real, she was finally here, and now what would become of her? I questioned in my mind if in the coming weeks we would bring home our little girl or would she return home to her Father in Heaven.


We found out at a routine ultrasound at 17 weeks that Erin had a series of congenital heart defects. The initial diagnosis was that she would not survive and if she did she would have a low quality of life. To make matter worse when I found out Jared was 1000 miles away, he had just moved to Houston and I was completing my undergrad thesis at Iowa State. I found out the day of my defense, it should have been the capstone of five years of study but I was devastated. I sat on the limestone steps on the east end of Brookside Park in Ames talking to Jared watching my life fall into shambles.


The coming weeks I moved, settled into Houston 7 ½ months pregnant, went through a slew of doctors, each night pleading with the Lord that we would make it through, that we would be blessed with a healthy child and only getting the conformation that we would be able to handle the trial that we faced.

Erin was born fighting; the nurse said it was the baby she had to physically restrain in years (that’s my girl!). Over the coming days her condition would deteriorate and the third night we were told surgery was our only option. The next evening she was given a name and a blessing and my fears were comforted. The night before our surgery the nurse let us hold her, it was a huge ordeal with tubes and lines, but I was so thankful for the first time, knowing it may be the only time, I would hold my precious little girl in my arms.

At five days she was prepped for surgery, we kissed her forehead as she headed into the OR and would spend the next eight hours waiting anxiously for those hourly updates and we finally got the conformation that she was out of surgery and stable. Sleepless night would follow as her little body adjusted and she was slow coming out of anesthesia. Erin would slowly progress in the following days and her recovery and almost seamless.


Jared retuned to work and my mom flew down and we lived at the hospital. By the time she was ready to come home I could talk the talk, I knew the function of the heart, all about the meds and signs of heat failure and infection. I had my A game on and then we signed the discharge papers and as they handed her to us, I asked if we were really qualified for this (while everyone else was taking child birth classes learning how to feed and change diapers, we were meeting with surgical teams)? But I knew she was finally ours. The coming months would be full of echos and follow up appointments and slowly she had the life of a normal child. Our home would become full of firsts and laughter.

Every now and then I hear people say it must be just a faint memory, as a mother the reality of it is still alive. There is not a night that passes that I don’t lay my hand on her chest to feel for a rhythmic breath and thank the Lord for the wonderful blessing he has given to us. She is my personal miracle. She has brought so much joy and love into our home and is a constant reminder that the Lord has a hand in all things.

As the next half decade progresses we can close the health chapter of life and open the chapter on starting school, boys and all that comes as little girls turn into young women.

4 comments:

Emily W said...

Thanks so much for sharing Emmaly. That was really touching. You are so tough Emm, I really appreciated when I visited 3 years ago and you let me into that time and let me know how difficult it was. You and Jared and so amazing, and I think you guys have such a wonderful family. I'm so glad we are friends, and I can't wait to see you!

Carrie H said...

Congrats on your acomplishments as a dedicated parent and believer!

Jenny said...

This story is so beautiful. It makes me feel hopeful and happy. You are definitly one of my heroes. Happy birthday, Erin!

Jared-Monica-Brooke-Caleb said...

Seriously that iS AWESOME!! Congrats on her birthday and lving through all of that! I seriously got teary eyed!